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You know you are. You know you’re still mad at the guy that stood you up at the prom. You know you’re still wishing bad karma on the girl that said bad things about you way back in high school. You know you’re still mad about the raise you didn’t get this year. And you still don’t want to deal with the guy that got the job you were after.

Anger is never a good thing. We know that. It’s written everywhere and your parents have been preaching it for as long as you can remember. But, there’s something about having been done wrong that we just can’t seem to let go of. We replay it in our minds and as we do we get angry all over again. Even if it’s been years since the offense occurred.

And we seek revenge. Maybe not physically, but we wish it on the offender.

But what does it get us? I don’t know about you, but the only thing it’s ever gotten me was more anger, an upset stomach and the inability to move on with my life.

Why do we do this? We are emotional beings and our feelings got hurt. We feel somehow slighted, belittled or “lessened” by whatever slight we experienced. And we didn’t appreciate it. So, we protect ourselves.

By wishing negative things (revenge) on our tormentor – even if they don’t know they are our tormentor – we hope to set things right, to balance the scales. How many times have you uttered “it served them right!” By wishing revenge or other negative experiences on them, we wish upon them the hurt that we perceive they visited upon us.

Replaying our Regrets

While most — if not all — of us hold onto the hurt we experienced at the hands of others, that’s not the only thing that we hold onto. We also hold onto the regrets we feel in our lives. Regrets for the road not taken, the choices not made. Even, at times, for having not been chosen.

We look at our lives and our circumstances and wonder “why couldn’t I be [rich, beautiful, creative, intelligent {put your favorite adjective here}] “Look how different my life would have been if the sports scout had offered me the minor league contract!”

So, we hang onto our regrets, just as we hang onto our hurt feelings. And we allow them to rule our lives. We don’t even realize, sometimes, how these emotions impact us. But they do.

Seeing the Impact

The so-called Law of Attraction suggests that we can bring into being the reality we want in our lives by defining what we want, asking the universe for it and acting and believing that what we desire will come to us.

I’m not going to argue for or against the law, because I’m simply unqualified to do so. But I do see a correlation. My internal environment, that is my thoughts and feelings, are very often reflected in my actions and behaviors.

Don’t you know when someone is angry, just by their behaviors? How about sad? Or happy? And, when they are angry, sullen or just generally negative, do you really want to be around them?

Of course not! Their negative behaviors drive you away. Does it follow that these negative behaviors might also prevent them from achieving their goals in life? Of getting the job they want? After all, what manager would want to hire a negative, angry person?

So, if you want to move your life forward in a positive direction and make your dreams come true, you’ll have to let go of all that negativity.

Letting to Go

So, how do you let go?

Here are a few suggestions. You may find others  that work for you.

1. Recognize that there is something you need to let go of. Look at how you interact with life and those around you. If something doesn’t feel right, look for the reasons.
2. Rummage around in your mental attic looking for the negatives that you’re keeping there. Look at your relationships. Look at how your react to certain people or situations. Figure out why you react that way. Sometimes drawing or writing can expose your true feelings.
3. Relive the past not with anger, regret or retribution, but to remember what really happened that led you to the place you are now. Simply let the memories and feelings wash over you. This is a painful but necessary step. You need to face the situation head-on.
4. Face the tormentor, if possible. Talk to them. Share your feelings. Let them know how their actions affected you. Don’t seek an apology; offer forgiveness instead. If the problem is a regret for something you did to someone else, confess. And apologize.
5. Take responsibility for your own life. This might include confessing and apologizing, but it also means recognizing that you allowed that negative situation to live within you. Recognizing this, and assuming responsibility for it acknowledges that it is under your control and you have the power to change it. There no blame, only action.
6. Live in the moment. By focusing on the now, you deny the past the opportunity to influence you. By focusing on the now, you acknowledge that what is past is past and your movement is now forward.

These are, of course, only a few suggestions. There are many, many more to be found on the web and in the book stores.

Letting go can be a frightening experience, but also one of exhilarating freedom. It can open doors that you believed were firmly closed and offer you a life of abundance that you never knew existed.

Remember back when your were a kid? You’d lie on the ground watching the clouds move by. You’d let your imagination transform those fluffy accumulations of moisture into faces and landscapes and cartoon characters.

Or, you’d watch the ants hurrying about their tasks, following the trail blazed by others. Or, delight in blowing on dandelions to watch the fluffy parachutes float slowly to the ground.

When was the last time you did any of those things?

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