KevinSauls.com

My students are in the nursing home. For many of them this is the first time they are confronted with the frailties of the human body and mind. Generally they approach this experience with a mix of excitement to be working with real people and fear/worry about what they’ll encounter and how they’ll handle it.

Most of the students, once they overcome their initial trepidation, find that they look past the physical ailments – the contorted limbs, drooling faces and slurred speech – to recognize that in that body lives someone who is worthy of the time and energy put into caring for them.

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I ran into a former high school student a few days ago. Harried with her college school work and working full-time to survive, she still looked happy.

Let me tell you a little about her. Mary had been kicked out of her mother’s house at age 15. she had lived with aunt for  few months – until she got tired of having a teenager hanging around, cramping her own lifestyle. (more…)

Wednesday’s news included an article about 12 insurance company employees winning the $212 Million dollar Mega-Millions Lotto. Somewhere I read that if taken as a lump sum the payout would be something like $171 Million. That works out to about $14.25 Million per person for each of those twelve people before taxes.

Winning the lotto or otherwise coming into a large sum of money is something that I think most of us dream of. And to be honest, I surely wouldn’t mind a little windfall myself. But Not $14 million. I’m not sure I’d want even $1 million.

Money is a double edged sword. We need it to get the things we need to survive and it’s nice to have a little “extra” to enjoy some of the luxuries in life.

On the other hand, though, having lots of money requires a lot of energy to manage. And I’m not qualified to manage it well.

Over on The Simple Dollar Trent relates a story about an interview in which the interviewer asked him if he wanted to be rich.  After thinking about it a few moments, his response was “no.” He went on to say that he only wanted to be financially independent.

Trent saw the realities of wealth. He pointed out the risks and limitations attendant with extreme wealth. Can Bill Gates or Warren Buffett spend an afternoon in the mall? Don’t you know that these men, because of their wealth and notoriety probably maintain a security detail of some type to protect them from the crazies who see opportunity in their wealth. Such are the “benefits” of wealth.

Rather than be freeing, allowing you to enjoy your wealth, the wealth becomes a cage, limiting your options and opportunities for a “normal” life.

For the lotto winners the problem is compounded by their lack of familiarity with handing wealth. Bill Gates, though he came from a fairly wealthy family as I recall, still had never encountered the kind of wealth he has amassed. But it didn’t happen over night. He was able to adjust and learn how to manage his wealth as he grew into it.

The same can be said for Warren Buffett and others. They weren’t suddenly blessed with lots of money, it came to them slowly. That gradual growth allowed them to learn how to manage and plan for it.

But, when you wake up one day with $14 million in your bank account, do you know what to do to manage it? Do you even know who you need to talk to for guidance? Can you trust them?

I like to think I’m a fairly knowledgeable guy, but I’ll tell you I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with that much dough.

And apparently neither do most lottery winners. that’s why so many are bankrupt in a few years; they don’t know how to manage it and don’t really comprehend how much money they have. It seems inexhaustible.

A couple of years ago Oprah did a show in which a homeless man was given $100,000. The question was: What would he do with it?

The answer: Blow it.

The lucky recipient bought cars and other things for others. Now that’s not a bad thing, giving to others, but he did it because he really didn’t have good understanding of the amount he had available. He said he was surprised when it ran out!

My girlfriend and I talked about it. She’s well educated and makes a decent living. When we started talking about what we’d do with $100,000 she starts off paying off her parents’ house and her house and so on. I reminded her that $100,000 was only a little more than twice her salary. She got a funny look in her eyes and said, “You’re right. I didn’t think about it that way.” Even those of us with a little bit of money believe that it will go farther than it really will!

I’ve said all this to say that these lotto winners have come into a lot of money. I hope that they are wise enough to squirrel some of it away and not on a buying binge or invest in some questionable enterprise. I hope that they seek good guidance and make smart decisions and really learn to understand the amount of money at their disposal.

Sadly, I expect they’ll be back in a few years working once again in their little cubicles to pay the bills they amassed during their time of wealth.

Telephones can be aggravating critters. To manage them, I have two basic rules:

1. I don’t answer calls from numbers I don’t recognize because they are usually either wrong numbers or telemarketers, neither of which do I want to be bothered with.
2. I don’t answer when I’m busy doing other things. I keep in mind always that I control the interruptions in my life and I generally don’t like being interrupted when I’m working. So the phone rings.

Time management gurus all encourage you to manage your interruptions rather than letting them manage you. That’s what I try to do with the phone.

Sometimes these rules create even more aggravation because some people just don’t seem to get the message.

Which part of “I’m not who you’re looking for” did you not understand?

Several days ago while at work my cellphone rang. I didn’t recognize the number and since I was busy, I silenced the phone and went about my business.

Several minutes later, it rang again. Same number. I did the same thing.

Now, I have to point out here that I have voice mail that clearly states my name. If the caller had the wrong number they’d know that simply by listening. But, then again, maybe not.

After the fourth time in a span of less than four minutes, it was clear that the caller wasn’t getting the message so I answered. Now, I still don’t know who they were looking for, their responses were unintelligible. But it was clearly not me. I told them they had the wrong number and hung up.

Now this was apparently a really not-so-bright individual. A few minutes later the phone rang again. Same area code, different number. I guess the caller figured their phone was the problem so they’d try again from another.

I answered with “This is Kevin. If you’re not trying to get Kevin, then you have the wrong number. That will be true no matter how many times you call or what phone you call from".” Yeah, I know it was a bit rude, but then so, too, is repeatedly calling a wrong number.

They finally got the message:  They didn’t call back.

Dr. Phil likes to you the phrase: “How’s that working for ya?” This is, of course, rooted in the idea that if you keep doing the same thing the same way, you’ll always get the same result.

On another day we’ll talk about why this can be a good thing, but if what you’re doing isn’t getting the result you want, maybe your need to try something different.

And, maybe that’s what this caller thought they were doing by calling from a different phone; they were  doing something different. I guess I’ll never know.

This caller, of course, isn’t the only one to not get the message. Too often people will call and when the phone rolls over to voice mail will hang up and call again.

Why?

Clearly, if I didn’t answer I’m either not at home, or choose not to answer the phone right then. Calling right back doesn’t change anything. (well, it really does. It makes me very aggravated.)

I’m not going to answer.

It’s my choice; leave a message.

What interruptions fall into your pet-peeves list?

You know you are. You know you’re still mad at the guy that stood you up at the prom. You know you’re still wishing bad karma on the girl that said bad things about you way back in high school. You know you’re still mad about the raise you didn’t get this year. And you still don’t want to deal with the guy that got the job you were after.

Anger is never a good thing. We know that. It’s written everywhere and your parents have been preaching it for as long as you can remember. But, there’s something about having been done wrong that we just can’t seem to let go of. We replay it in our minds and as we do we get angry all over again. Even if it’s been years since the offense occurred.

And we seek revenge. Maybe not physically, but we wish it on the offender.

But what does it get us? I don’t know about you, but the only thing it’s ever gotten me was more anger, an upset stomach and the inability to move on with my life.

Why do we do this? We are emotional beings and our feelings got hurt. We feel somehow slighted, belittled or “lessened” by whatever slight we experienced. And we didn’t appreciate it. So, we protect ourselves.

By wishing negative things (revenge) on our tormentor – even if they don’t know they are our tormentor – we hope to set things right, to balance the scales. How many times have you uttered “it served them right!” By wishing revenge or other negative experiences on them, we wish upon them the hurt that we perceive they visited upon us.

Replaying our Regrets

While most — if not all — of us hold onto the hurt we experienced at the hands of others, that’s not the only thing that we hold onto. We also hold onto the regrets we feel in our lives. Regrets for the road not taken, the choices not made. Even, at times, for having not been chosen.

We look at our lives and our circumstances and wonder “why couldn’t I be [rich, beautiful, creative, intelligent {put your favorite adjective here}] “Look how different my life would have been if the sports scout had offered me the minor league contract!”

So, we hang onto our regrets, just as we hang onto our hurt feelings. And we allow them to rule our lives. We don’t even realize, sometimes, how these emotions impact us. But they do.

Seeing the Impact

The so-called Law of Attraction suggests that we can bring into being the reality we want in our lives by defining what we want, asking the universe for it and acting and believing that what we desire will come to us.

I’m not going to argue for or against the law, because I’m simply unqualified to do so. But I do see a correlation. My internal environment, that is my thoughts and feelings, are very often reflected in my actions and behaviors.

Don’t you know when someone is angry, just by their behaviors? How about sad? Or happy? And, when they are angry, sullen or just generally negative, do you really want to be around them?

Of course not! Their negative behaviors drive you away. Does it follow that these negative behaviors might also prevent them from achieving their goals in life? Of getting the job they want? After all, what manager would want to hire a negative, angry person?

So, if you want to move your life forward in a positive direction and make your dreams come true, you’ll have to let go of all that negativity.

Letting to Go

So, how do you let go?

Here are a few suggestions. You may find others  that work for you.

1. Recognize that there is something you need to let go of. Look at how you interact with life and those around you. If something doesn’t feel right, look for the reasons.
2. Rummage around in your mental attic looking for the negatives that you’re keeping there. Look at your relationships. Look at how your react to certain people or situations. Figure out why you react that way. Sometimes drawing or writing can expose your true feelings.
3. Relive the past not with anger, regret or retribution, but to remember what really happened that led you to the place you are now. Simply let the memories and feelings wash over you. This is a painful but necessary step. You need to face the situation head-on.
4. Face the tormentor, if possible. Talk to them. Share your feelings. Let them know how their actions affected you. Don’t seek an apology; offer forgiveness instead. If the problem is a regret for something you did to someone else, confess. And apologize.
5. Take responsibility for your own life. This might include confessing and apologizing, but it also means recognizing that you allowed that negative situation to live within you. Recognizing this, and assuming responsibility for it acknowledges that it is under your control and you have the power to change it. There no blame, only action.
6. Live in the moment. By focusing on the now, you deny the past the opportunity to influence you. By focusing on the now, you acknowledge that what is past is past and your movement is now forward.

These are, of course, only a few suggestions. There are many, many more to be found on the web and in the book stores.

Letting go can be a frightening experience, but also one of exhilarating freedom. It can open doors that you believed were firmly closed and offer you a life of abundance that you never knew existed.